Do you ever have that thing where you say something out loud, and the moment the words leave your lips, you wish you hadn't said it out loud? Almost like you jinxed it, even if you don't believe in jinxes? I just had to go and say that my word for this year is 'contentment.' What I have been struck with this week, several times, is the irony that I am seemingly alone, or perhaps one of very few people, looking to have deep, meaningful connections with real friends.
I invited every friend I have that a) lives in my relative corner of the world that I b) thought would be interested, to join us in some of our traditional fall festivities. With the exception of my parents, and one VERY wonderful pair of friends, everyone has declined. Everyone is too busy, or in too much of a hurry. The kicker is that several of them has since mentioned that they went ahead and did it without us. So the idea was good....
Several events of this year have resurfaced in my concious mind, and I don't know what they add up to.
I had a date with a friend; I arrived at our meet-up where I proceeded to sit and wait for 35 minutes without any sign of her. Finally, I decided that something unforeseen must have happened so I went back to my car, and there she was - talking to another friend. And she informed me that if I just had a cell phone, this wouldn't have happened. It was my fault.
I have a friend who on one hand, has repeatedly said she loves my pictures, but on the other hand has said that if she had to pay for my pictures she would take her own because, "I just can't justify paying for pictures." Then she went and bought a camera that cost twice as much as my first digital SLR.
And don't even get me started on that popular networking website everyone belongs to! Thanks to a tip from one of my younger cousins, I was the first person I knew with an account. But it got to the point where I realized that "friending" had very little to do with friendship, so I quit. And of course, I have not been invited to some things because people have to "go out of their way" to invite me.
I love blogs, I love Ravelry, and I love Flickr. But I want to look someone in the eye, hear their voice, see emotions on their face. I want to go see a friend's local band because I knew they were good back when no one had heard of them, and not because I'm networking. I don't want someone to say to me, "Okay, you can be right," because, frankly, they don't care either way. I want friends who don't answer their phone in the middle of our conversation, because the conversation we're having is satisfying. And I want a friend who accepted my invitation not only because it was a good idea, but because they knew I'd be there.
I feel like I'm wading knee-deep against the blowing sands of commerce, and technology. I guess I'm having a midlife crisis.