Tuesday, October 29, 2013

. . .

For me, there is no harmony in the concept that a person should "do what you love," in regards to a job.  Of course, I do want to do what I love, and I want to help provide for my family.  But I've found that I have a hard time acquiring this balance, when what I love and what I do is art.  

This video changed the way I feel about my art.  Or rather, it put me back on track of things I have always known about myself, and had forgotten in recent years.  It is hard to be in a world where people judge you by how much you make.  I find that, as an artist, people judge me by what I charge.  I guess that gives some validity to whether I'm worthwhile at my craft if I can prove that other people agree enough to pay me for it. When I don't charge people for my work they are more dismissive; when I worry about what people think, I sometimes end up with things that I don't love.  And I know I don't charge enough, but I really want art - especially something like a portrait of someone's own children, to be something that is accessible to everyone.  But I'm getting to a point where there just is no way for my heart and my artistic integrity to work with this system.  What am I going to do?  I think I'm going to quit.

I will never quit being an artist, and as much as I've tried to break up with my camera, I can't.  Not even when it's dirty or misbehaving.  It's partly because I have children, and I love taking pictures of them.  They're precious, you know?

Someone accused me at the beginning of the year of needing my knitting designs to be artful.  As in, poor me, I had to have some originality and point.  I had to laugh, and I wanted to scream.  I guess that's why I have one or two patterns every couple of months, whereas she's well paid.  

Anyway.  I'm not done being an artist because, well, I am an artist.  I've finally figured out that it doesn't have to be for anyone else.      

  113 in 2013:  sun flare